How Do You Develop Empathy?

Share this post:

Across the 30 or so speeches I’ve made around the launch of my last book, Heartificial Empathy, one of the most recurrent questions is about how to develop more empathy in business. For some, it seems like a frantically urgent need. For others, though, it’s more like an alien, even unnecessary idea. Yet, on whichever end of the scale you might sit, bringing empathy into an organization is not a simple task. As with transformation in general and digital transformation specifically, it’s more about mindset than about a competency on which we can bone up. In the case of empathy, it’s necessarily a mindset — a mindful one at that.

5 ways to become more empathic

Being more empathic is easier said than done. Intellectually, most of us will understand the idea of empathy, but it’s a far harder thing to put into practice, especially when under stress. When we are short of time or feeling under pressure, we fall back to our default attitude. To find the headspace to be empathic when under the gun is a skill that requires help to master. Being empathy is a muscle that needs to be exercised. I tend to talk of five different ways to promote empathy. These are:

  1. Start listening intensely — especially to those to whom you are close — and reformulating what you’re hearing.
  2. Venture out to meet different people in un-likeminded communities.
  3. Read classic fiction and zone into the protagonists’s feelings and thoughts, especially those who are different from you.
  4. Practice mindfulness.
  5. Know (deeply) why you have decided to become more empathic. [Hint: it should help you to achieve a goal and/or be part of your North].

Meeting new people

The second method listed above involves meeting new people and I wanted to share with you my techniques. The tricky part is finding those people who aren’t likeminded. There’s little easier than having a great conversation with likeminded individuals. And most of the people in our network will exist in our network because we have shared affinities. So, you have to be rather intentional about finding new and different folks. The most consistent ploy I have used over the years is to have, what I term, a GREEN meeting. As you’ll be able to see in the snapshot from my calendar below, a green-colored appointment indicates that I am meeting a new person (or persons). I’m frequently asked how I find so many new people to meet, so here’s how I do this:

  1. I consider in advance whenever I will have the opportunity to meet new people, whether it’s at conferences, concerts or while travelling;
  2. I intentionally converted this notion into a habit and talk about it regularly which reinforces my efforts;
  3. I use the green color coding in my calendar as a visual cue to keep the idea top of mind;
  4. I follow up whenever I have an opportunity (e.g. after I receive a new business card, email or telephone number).

The key point of my so-called green meetings is not to come to the rendezvous with an agenda. My focus is to get to know them. Ask questions. Listen intently. Not judge. Not worry if nothing comes of it. Sure, some encounters are more rewarding than others. But, I believe this approach has helped me to improve my listening skills and to flex my empathic muscle.

Seeking out different profiles

The second technique is to go out of my way to meet different kinds of people. I make a conscious point of picking out people I might not have spoken to, exactly because they look or sound different. For example, they might be sitting at the back of the auditorium when attending a speech of mine. Or they may be sitting beside me in public transportation. These are the kinds of people with whom I share no common connections on social media. The key point here is to find people who have a different background, another culture, etc.. Call it profiling, but it has served me well. And when I’m meeting these people, it’s all about figuring out what they are saying and feeling, how they think and operate… The vital point is not to judge their way as being better or worse, but just different.

Your thoughts?

P.S. It’s said that meeting strangers is a way toward increasing happiness, according to research done by University of British Columbia psychologist Elizabeth Dunn and Gillian M. Sandstrom. Even brief eye contact with a stranger can increase a sense of inclusion and belonging. For more, read this NPR article!

One Comment, RSS

  1. […] more times than anything is because the person about to deliver the message doesn’t have the empathy to do so in an appropriate manner. The how […]

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.